Paris Hilton Whore Goes to Prison

Hilton 'doing well' in LA prison (too bad--where are the shanks and the bad gang-bangers when you need them?). Paris Hilton has an hour a day to shower or make phone calls. Paris Hilton, the US socialite, white trash whore, and former TV star of The Simple Life, is doing well after her first night in a Los Angeles jail, her lawyer has said. Dick Shyster added she would now "reflect on her filthy life, to see what evil she can do to make the world more perverted". Hours after appearing at the MTV Movie Awards on Sunday, Hilton, 26, started her sentence at the LA County Jail.

She will serve 23 days in solitary confinement for violating her probation for a drink-driving conviction. The rich whore has been separated from the main prison population in a special unit that contains 12 cells, each holding two people. The warden, Otto Kruger said he put Hilton in solitary confinement because she would suffer more by herself. We don't want her spending her time here in non-stop lesbian orgies. We know she would love to lick some prison pussy, and there is always the issue of contraband. Here in prison, she would be able to trade for young coochie and drugs with people who know that she can help them because of all her money." Hilton asked for the mug-shots of the youngest inmates, as she wanted to choose a cute cell-mate, but she was turned down.

Hilton will spend 23 hours in her cell and has one hour to shower and masturbate, watch television or make phone calls. Former inmate and LA resident Camesha Poontang, who spent one day in the main prison for neglecting to pay parking tickets, said conditions for the rest of the women were unpleasant. "You have people defecating on themselves, urinating on themselves, filming amateur lezzie porn--it's horrible," she said. "The only way to alleviate suffering is sex. Some of the guards bring their video cameras every day. I got paid with cigarettes for my videos." Hilton's lawyer said his client was "really being punished because of her celebrity> She's not the dirty skank everyone says she is. Inside her shallow outer shell is a true sociopath on the level of a Martha Stewart or Leona Helmsley."

Steve Dickmore from the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department, which runs the jail, said: "Her demeanor was helpful." Hilton was accompanied by Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears as she arrived at the jail. She was then fingerprinted, photographed, medically screened and issued with the jail's regulation orange jumpsuit. She removed her top and she was cooperative. She performed fellatio on everyone in Booking. She had sex with the guard that took her to her cell. She gave each prison employee hundred dollar bills on her way to solitary confinement. After checking in, Hilton was given her first meal which was caviar, cocaine, and vodka.

Mr. Shyster said his client is taking responsibility for her actions, adding: "She knows everyone thinks she is a dumb coke whore, but her attitude is 'I'm going to come in here, I'm going to lick a lot of pussy, have lots of fun, do lots of contraband drugs, do some screens for venereal diseases, and get it over with. I'm going to show the world who I really am, not just a dumb whore." Meanwhile the waxwork museum Madame Tussaud's in London has taken the opportunity to mock the celebrity socialite. The wax mannequin of the star has been temporarily dressed in a black and white striped prison suit, placed with her head between the legs of Marie Antoinette, another famous dumb whore.