Bear Kills Trainer

Rocky the grizzly bear killed his handler with a bite to the neck. (Photograph: Christina Bush/Press Association) A grizzly bear that has starred in Hollywood films including Will Ferrell's latest comedy has attacked and killed its trainer. Rocky, a 360kg male grizzly aged five years, bit Stephan Miller on the neck during filming at an animal training centre in California. Miller's cousin, Randy, who set up the centre, said the bite occurred during "playful" wrestling by what was a "loving, affectionate, friendly, safe bear". "It hit him in a very vulnerable spot," Randy Miller told the Associated Press. "It happened so fast. We did what we had to do to stop the bear. It took a matter of seconds to get him off, but it was too late." Pepper spray was used to subdue the bear and paramedics arrived shortly afterwards but could not revive Miller. Rocky was being filmed for a promotional video for the Predators in Action centre in the San Bernardino Mountains at the time. The centre's animals have appeared in some of Hollywood's biggest films including Gladiator and The Last Samurai. It was set up by Randy Miller to train wild animals to perform, and to recreate animal attacks for Discovery Channel and National Geographic documentaries. One of its stunts is a reconstruction of the illusionist Roy Horn being mauled by a tiger during a Siegfried and Roy show in Las Vegas. "I'm not blaming the animal," Miller said. "We're fast and efficient if there's a problem. These kinds of scenes I do, we're putting ourselves in a vulnerable position a lot." In 1999, Randy Miller came under fire from animal rights groups for arranging a wrestling match between an Alaskan grizzly and a weightlifter. Rocky's fate has not been decided. Because the attack was on a private site it is outside the jurisdiction of state authorities, which would otherwise have had the power to destroy the bear.

Comment: Sad that the trainer got killed, but even sadder that TV, commercials, and Hollywood have to f*ck with animals so much and so often. Leave the poor creatures alone, God created them to live in their nature, not to be performing un-natural tricks for their human masters.

Old Celebrity Faces

Victoria Principal looks like her head is on top of a post. Did she play Yoda in the last Star Wars prequel?
Wayne Newton has a face like a baby's butt. Another one with tiny eyes thanks to plastic surgery.

Priscilla Presley looks like she is either a vampire or she is using the skin from a cadaver.

Mickey Rourke always manages to look more hideous in every mug shot.

Kathleen Turner looks like Joe Louis after 75 fights.

LaToya's nose looks like it is about to collapse into her face!

Liza Minnelli has never been pretty, especially now.

Marlo Thomas! What happened to That Girl? Why is her nose crooked?

Melanie Griffith was a hot babe once. Now she could scare the devil if he woke up in bed next to that face!

Barry Manilow's face looks like a baby's butt. Look at how tiny his eyes have become.

Look at how stretched out her skin is! Even around her nose it looks like it is about the crack open.

Donnatella Versace is living proof that all that hard partying catches up with you sooner or later. She looks like she was Mike Tyson's girlfriend for a few rounds.

Florence Henderson supposedly bagged some of the Brady boys, but I wonder if she had a glass eye back in those days? Shagging her now has to be something like a journey into mystery.

Gary Busey looked insane his entire life. Getting older has just taken it to the next level of scary.

Janice Dickinson is a celebrity thanks to reality TV shows. Would you want to go to her beauty camp?

Jerry Jones will be auditioning for the role of the Crypt Keeper when Tales From the Crypt gets a remake. Being a billionaire has done nothing for his skull-face.

Jessica Lange was always a crazy woman, and now she looks like a crazy old lady.

Jesus, what happened to her? She looks like she got her surgery at K-Mart.

Another ugly chipmunk face. At least you know Joe never got by on his looks.

Look at those little scars behind Burt's ears and under his chin. Look at how stretched out the skin around his eyes has become. His face looks like the leather cover over a drum.

Panda Pals

Back around 1972, U.S. President Richard Nixon made his famous trip to Red China. Here in the USA, it was major news. The Chinese gave Nixon a couple of pandas, and the pandas were in the news for months and became major celebrities. Like most kids at the time, I thought there was something special about pandas. However, the panda mystique has been sullied by the realities of commercialism.

Getting the pandas to procreate has become a major project for any zoos that have gotten their own pandas. The Chinese Government typically sells the pandas for as much as ten million dollars each. Often the pandas are only rented out to various zoos for several years. Any baby pandas that are born during the rental period are the property of the zoos, so there is a lot of pressure to get the pandas to mate successfully.

A baby panda can be worth millions of dollars to a zoo. It is not just the tourist revenue from visitors, but pandas can be rented to other zoos. The only way to end the cycle of dependence on foreign pandas is for the rental pandas to give birth to American pandas.

This is Ling-Ling and her baby Wing-Wong. A few minutes after this photo was taken she ate the cub.

In order to train the pandas to stop eating their cubs, the Chinese have been dressing babies as pandas and sending them in to the panda cages so that the trainers can teach the pandas to be better parents.

The future of the pandas depends on whether or not human children can teach parenting skills to the pandas.

In China, wealthy women are encouraged to adopt a panda as a symbolic mate.

Sometimes the pandas get excited during these ceremonial visits with their symbolic mates.

Some famous celebrities have bought their own pandas and trained them to perform simple tasks like driving a golf cart.

At some zoos, the pandas have gotten out of their habitats and mated with other animals.

Condensed Panda milk is a very expensive aphrodesiac. It takes zoo workers several hours to milk a can out of a panda.



Dedicated animal lovers have tried to help zoos make money by eating Panda Puffs and Gorrilla Munch. These cereals are made from animal pellets and like cow chips they have a high concentration of fiber which is good for the human digestive system.


These are panda chips.


Several companies have come up with ideas for serving healthy panda meat in school cafeterias.

If you have ever gone to a Chinese restaurant and wondered what is inside the breaded mystery treats, it is not always dogs and cats.

Getting pandas to reproduce seems to be impossible, so one company has come up with the idea of cloning pandas and making panda patties from the ones that come out with defective DNA. It is a win-win situation for everyone?

In China, pandas fight bears on TV game shows like Kimushipoo.

Panda wrestlers tag-team with real pandas and fight bears on Serbian TV.

Geico Cave Men

Talk about the ultimate moronic Geico commercial. Geico must have money to burn. The first cave-man commercial was mildly amusing. The second one is mildy gloid. In this insipid commercial, the Geico hatchetman meets the two Neanderthals at a restaurant. Apparently these two boys are a couple, which just goes to show that Geico is a lot more liberal than their main stockholder. The more fey of the two Neanderthals decides he just can't eat after remembering the dismissive remark about the cave-men. Cave-boy is traumatized. The only thing missing is Joe Piscopo as The Prehistoric Cave-Man Lawyer to show up at the dinner table threatening to file a Class Action lawsuit because his two clients have been traumatized. Who writes these awful Geico commercials?

Update October 2007: The stupid ass Geico cavemen are now starring in their own Cavemen television series on the worst network, ABC (Another Boring Channel). This piece of shit idea began airing last night, and hopefully it will get cancelled by next week, if not sooner. The Cavemen series and the commercials are a testament to the stupidity of Americans, and the fact that the media thinks that Americans are dumber than blocks of wood, bags of rocks, or knitting yarn. The Cavemen are dumbing down America! Don't watch that Cavemen crap, and pray it gets cancelled immediately!! Better yet, maybe Jessica Alba will join the cast and give herpes to the neanderthals!! Then again, maybe they would rather get it from Derek Jeter. After all, they are prehistoric switch-hitters!

Arrested Hollywood

Hollywood has a long history of drunks, drug addicts, perverts, and murderers that have often gotten away with their crimes thanks to the studios and corrupt legal system. Here are a few examples.

Britney Spears has been rumored to go both ways in front of her kids. What a sad excuse of a Mom and a former Disney star. No Disney family values there!!

These two bimbos (Michelle Rodriguez and ?) from the cast of the LOST television series got arrested for DUI on the same night.

Mel Gibson's drunk photo. He looks really happy.

Armand Assante sucking down some vino?


Courtney Love in her usual state of inebriation.

David Hasselhoff trying to eat a burger off the floor while falling down drunk.



British singer Fergie, drunk or stoned?


Tara Reid, another drunken party animal.




OJ Simpson and his two victims. It is sad and sick that there are so many people who want to play golf with OJ and who keep telling him what a wonderful guy he is. Hopefully his most recent caper in Las Vegas will lead to some long prison terms for him and his friends.

Will OJ and Michael Vick find the love that will change them into good people?


The Black Dahlia murder. Another Hollywood crime that was never solved.

Keefer Sutherland before he was the star of "24" and now again has been arrested for DUI! Why does such a successful person need to be drunk all the time?

Yasmine Bleeth is a gorgeous babe, but in this arrest photo she looks like a two-bagger.

Vince Vaughn, when he's not crashing weddings is getting arrested for DUI.

Robert Downey, Jr. after some of his arrests for drugs, drinking, etc.

Paris Hilton, after being told that she only had $159 million in the bank.

Phil Spector, who stopped being relevant in the 1960s but is planning a new album with all the ex-girlfriends he has threatened.

Rip Torn. You can tell he thinks he's funny even when he's drunk and looks like Nick Nolte.

James Brown had a long history with drugs and alcohol.

Wynona Judd mugshot looks scary. She signed up to play Hogzilla in the next Godzilla movie.

Lindsey Lohan, another drunken Disney skank. Makes you wonder what kind of work environment they have for those Disney kid actors.

Nick Nolte after playing The Hulk's father and realizing that his career was over.

Homo Alone in prison, Macauley Culkin goes undercover. He actually requested more time. That milk mustache in the photo is not milk (check the corners of his mouth).

Remember Bud from Married With Children? He grew up and got busted, what a surprise!

Adam Baldwin, the most successful of the Baldwin brothers. When he is not insulting his ex-wife and daughter, he likes to drink and do drugs.

The most famous unconvicted celebrity.