When it rains, it is because he is sad.
One time he called the wrong number. He knew it was the wrong number even though the man on the other end would not admit it. (what a fucking genius!)
He is left handed. And right handed. His sister is the town whore.
If he were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there. He likes to dress up as Santa Claus on Halloween.
His charisma can be seen from space. He also likes to wrestle young boys and give them beer.
If there were an interesting gland, his would be larger than most men's lower intestines. (a fat old man who drinks beer probably has a large gland)
He is the most interesting man in the world. (why is there another guy in the picture? Is Mr. Dos Equis a switch-hitter??)
Then the scratchy voice of someone who sounds like a hard-core smoker and gutter-level alcholic comes on and says: "I don't always drink beer, but when I do, it is Dos Equis." then a few seconds later, the same raspy voice says "Stay thirsty, my friends." Get fucked, bastard!
HEY! Well whoop-dee-do! How about this for his next ad:
When he shoves a baseball bat up his ass, it thunders.
When he farts, there are earthquakes in India.
You can see his stretched-out asshole from space.
His penis is so large he keeps it strapped against his belly and he often pees onto his face and then drinks it. "I don't drink my urine every day, but when I do, I like to wash it down with Dos Equis."
Even worse than these retarded advertisements are some new ones where the same dumb bastard is compared to Santa Claus and is now responsible for Christmas. Some advertisements are so fucking stupid that the people that created them should be arrested and banned from working in the advertising field.