SEX and THE CITY PREMIERE TURNS UGLY!

Thousands of ticket-holding fans waited outside the Radio City Music Hall for hours before the 'Sex & the City' premiere last night - and many of them were turned away. The "Sex and the City" premiere at Radio City Music Hall became all the rage Tuesday night after a ticket snafu left thousands of fashionistas all dressed up with absolutely no place to go. Organizers of the celeb-studded event overbooked the 6,000-seat theater, leaving bounced fans fuming. The angry crowd surged against police barricades, cursing and stomping their Manolo Blahniks. Security officials said up to 2,000 people - who had gotten tickets through promotional giveaways authorized by movie studio New Line Cinema - were shut out of the screening.

Alissa Hoffman had taken off work for the day to attend the premiere as a treat for her 27th birthday. "We waited in line 21/2 hours. . . . I guess we'll go drink a Cosmo or five now," Hoffman said. Officials of New Line Cinema declined to comment. Radio City ushers pointed out the fine print on the rejected tickets that says seating is first-come, first-served. "I've spent five months looking forward to this. I'm angry and frustrated," said Jen Ferguson, 23, who flew in all the way from British Columbia. Ferguson, dressed to the nines in a black Hervé Léger bandage dress and blue satin Christian Louboutin heels, said her parents had bought four tickets for $1,000 each and booked rooms at The Plaza hotel. (What a bunch of dumb, drunken whores!)

The line for the movie, based on the hit HBO series, stretched from Sixth Ave. and wrapped around 50th St. at 5:40 p.m. when officials told the crowd that their tickets would not be honored. "I'm absolutely heartbroken," said Mary Robbins, 26, of the upper East Side, who underwent a throat cancer operation last week and had the surgical staples to prove it. "This is pain and the city." (Get a real life, bitch!)

Comments: What a bunch of fucking maroons, getting dressed up like they were the stars of the movie just so they could see a free premiere where they stood in line for numerous hours for nothing. Everyone knows those free tickets are first come, first serve, so when you are at the end of a line of thousands of people and you don't get in, who is to blame? Just your own stupidity. To all the fucking assholes who did not get in, LOL!

ESPY AWARDS

The ESPN Sports Pimps continue to hype the ultimate crap known as the ESPY AWARDS. This is where the hardcore ESPN audience of closet homosexuals, pedophiles, prison inmates, and Catholic priests all vote for the best highlights of the year. This includes such categories as:

1. Best Millionaire Jock Blooper


2. Stupidest Jock Quote of The Year


3. Biggest Loser Coach of the Year


4. Best Prison Jock


5. Prettiest Lesbian College Basketball player


6. Scummiest Sports Agent


7. Top Ten Drug Rehab Highlights


8. Best Hairy Ass Shot Taken in the Showers After The Big Game


9. Jock Tales From Alcoholics Anonymous


10. Fattest Dyke Golfer of the Year


11. Endorsement Deal Horror Stories
12. Sports Lowlife of The Year
13. Best Millionaire Athlete Mug Shot


14. Best Pat On the Ass By a Creepy-Looking Alcoholic Manager


15. Best 911 Call by an Abused Sports Wife


16. Most Alcoholic Baseball Player


17. Best Arrest Report


18. Best DUI Police Videos


19. Best Highlights of Crappy Unknown Sports that ESPN promotes


20. The Most Un-Funny ESPN Sportscenter Hosts


21. Endless Clips of Chris Berman's Insipid Remarks


22. Clips of Dick Vitale Screaming Like a Deflowered Virgin


23. Many More Clips of Self-Promoting Crap

and of course, the amazing shots of pro athletes occasionally catching the ball, hitting a home run, throwing a pass, and doing their jobs. Too bad the ESPN has nothing to do with Sports they way it used to be before ESPN turned it into "Entertainment Content." Yes, the ESPIES is an endless shitstorm of self-congratulation, self-adulation, and masturbation.

Old Celebrity Faces

Victoria Principal looks like her head is on top of a post. Did she play Yoda in the last Star Wars prequel?
Wayne Newton has a face like a baby's butt. Another one with tiny eyes thanks to plastic surgery.

Priscilla Presley looks like she is either a vampire or she is using the skin from a cadaver.

Mickey Rourke always manages to look more hideous in every mug shot.

Kathleen Turner looks like Joe Louis after 75 fights.

LaToya's nose looks like it is about to collapse into her face!

Liza Minnelli has never been pretty, especially now.

Marlo Thomas! What happened to That Girl? Why is her nose crooked?

Melanie Griffith was a hot babe once. Now she could scare the devil if he woke up in bed next to that face!

Barry Manilow's face looks like a baby's butt. Look at how tiny his eyes have become.

Look at how stretched out her skin is! Even around her nose it looks like it is about the crack open.

Donnatella Versace is living proof that all that hard partying catches up with you sooner or later. She looks like she was Mike Tyson's girlfriend for a few rounds.

Florence Henderson supposedly bagged some of the Brady boys, but I wonder if she had a glass eye back in those days? Shagging her now has to be something like a journey into mystery.

Gary Busey looked insane his entire life. Getting older has just taken it to the next level of scary.

Janice Dickinson is a celebrity thanks to reality TV shows. Would you want to go to her beauty camp?

Jerry Jones will be auditioning for the role of the Crypt Keeper when Tales From the Crypt gets a remake. Being a billionaire has done nothing for his skull-face.

Jessica Lange was always a crazy woman, and now she looks like a crazy old lady.

Jesus, what happened to her? She looks like she got her surgery at K-Mart.

Another ugly chipmunk face. At least you know Joe never got by on his looks.

Look at those little scars behind Burt's ears and under his chin. Look at how stretched out the skin around his eyes has become. His face looks like the leather cover over a drum.

ESPN Greatest Highlight

Chris Berman once again gets to put his fat ugly face on numerous advertisements for the moronic crap called the Greatest Highlight in sports history. Who gives a rat's ass? What kind of insipid retard thought up this nonsense? Haven't these cynical jerks at ESPN done enough to over-commercialize and ruin sports and turn every sporting event into the Disney Ice Capades? Can't these sports-pimps at ESPN stop smoking crack for a while and let everyone else just enjoy sports for what they are without that lard-bottom tossing in jokes during every sports highlight? It was funny for the first couple of years. That was 25 years ago. Now it is incredibly annoying. Hey Berman, you aren't funny anymore. How many times can you hear the sports-clowns at ESPN call somebody Armani Super-Tumor or some other stupid nickname??

Why don't these ESPN clowns just stick to reporting the news? Not a single one of these dorks is remotely funny, and yet they all think that they are amazingly humorous. What about that Stuart Scott guy that looks like the dork from Fresh Prince of Bel Air?? He really needs a make-over and someone needs to let him know that he is the least funny of all the ESPN parasites. His wandering eye is annoying. This week they have had the entire week dedicated to some beagle that won a dog contest! When did that become sports? Only on ESPN can you find NFL Football followed by dog shows. What a joke. ESPN disrespects everything honorable and noble that the professional athlete once stood for and turned them into "entertainers." ESPN is the official Sports Pimp to all athletes. Extreme Sports? Have you ever seen that nonsense? Someone can do a triple somersault with their hand up their ass while on a skateboard...WOW! Let's see that highlight a million times on ESPN. How about those incredibly pathetic ESPY awards. Athletes actually show up to accept awards for "Best Catch" and all other kinds of silly topics that have to do with "ESPN Highlights." Now we get THE GREATEST HIGHLIGHT! The greatest ESPN Highlight would be the building being shut down and ESPN going out of business.

Not to mention the most annoying Dick Vitale. When is he going to finally retire? Vitale has been about to retire for ten years, but like some kind of incurable venereal disease, he keeps coming back. If Dick Vitale ever starred in a porno movie you know he could fit about five giant black penises into his big mouth. The only thing worse than Dick Vitale is that Beano Cook toad and that other old fart that does the college football games and wears a rug (toupee) that you can clearly see from a mile away. Lee Corso must be about 97 years old and they won't get rid of the bastard. Not to mention Digger Phelps. Why doesn't somebody give him a shovel? Don't any of these old farts have any families? No wonder the kids of the rich and celebrities all turn out to be drug addicts and alcoholics. Their parents were never there for them. ESPN has turned our greatest athletes into money-grubbing whores. Even worse, many of these ESPN tards have ended up on other networks reporting, perverting, and corrupting sports all across the world. The NFL Network hired that major weirdo who is always wearing eye-liner and looks and talks like Buffy the vampire slayer. Jesus H. Christ, couldn't they find at least one manly guy to work the NFL Network??

Dos Equis Man

When it rains, it is because he is sad.

One time he called the wrong number. He knew it was the wrong number even though the man on the other end would not admit it. (what a fucking genius!)

He is left handed. And right handed. His sister is the town whore.


If he were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there. He likes to dress up as Santa Claus on Halloween.


His charisma can be seen from space. He also likes to wrestle young boys and give them beer.

If there were an interesting gland, his would be larger than most men's lower intestines. (a fat old man who drinks beer probably has a large gland)


He is the most interesting man in the world. (why is there another guy in the picture? Is Mr. Dos Equis a switch-hitter??)


Then the scratchy voice of someone who sounds like a hard-core smoker and gutter-level alcholic comes on and says: "I don't always drink beer, but when I do, it is Dos Equis." then a few seconds later, the same raspy voice says "Stay thirsty, my friends." Get fucked, bastard!

HEY! Well whoop-dee-do! How about this for his next ad:

When he shoves a baseball bat up his ass, it thunders.
When he farts, there are earthquakes in India.
You can see his stretched-out asshole from space.

His penis is so large he keeps it strapped against his belly and he often pees onto his face and then drinks it. "I don't drink my urine every day, but when I do, I like to wash it down with Dos Equis."

Even worse than these retarded advertisements are some new ones where the same dumb bastard is compared to Santa Claus and is now responsible for Christmas. Some advertisements are so fucking stupid that the people that created them should be arrested and banned from working in the advertising field.